Article 4 - Taking the higher ground even with life's curve ball.

Do you wake up and have this thought linger? There's no way I'm going to be happy in this life.

• You were in high spirits last night. Wake up one morning and find yourself not wanting to do anything. 
• You're enjoying last night's feast of an enormous chunk of steak and feel guilty afterward because you suck at following your caloric intake.

Is this what is supposed to happen? 

One moment you're happy, and in a finger snap, melancholy sets in and waits for an opportunity to strike hard at you. Is life unfair? Is happiness a far-fetched fairy tale concept and happens only in literary pieces?

I often find myself at these crossroads. This is an awkward predicament. It's a tricky situation you don't want to be in. It's easy to lose your way when you choose not to restrain at anything and choose to be aggressive when things don't go your way. 

YOU = your own worst enemy. 

 

I was staring at the ceiling while I was incessantly typing and deleting lines to finish this article. I heard Creed performing their single, “What this life for”, and in an instant, I just said, “That's it!” 

That's just it, “the answer lies in you”.

Our own selves brought a strong feeling of uncertainty. Within us, we are pleading, trying to find answers to questions that have puzzled us for a long time. 

Why? The answer lies in you.

Do me a favor. Answer honestly all the items you'll read below. Imagine putting a check on all the items on our questionnaire. Here it goes!

_____ Are you trying to become what you're not for some time now? 

_____ Have you been hiding something that you're so terrified of sharing?

_____ Are you having something that left you so scarred that you hide it deep?

_____ Was there something bothering you that you're too afraid to address because you're not ready for the consequences it would bring to you and to the surrounding people?

_____ Are you so anxious about something that you deliberately ignore and pretend it doesn't exist, but it's actually an open secret (everyone knows about it, but nobody talks about it when you're around)?

We could fill up the space with a lot of questions, but I'm sure you already know where we are heading with this.    

The things that suddenly awaken you in the middle of the night, or stop you in your tracks when you're about to do something, are those things that you have “checked”

It begins with me and ends with me

I grew up believing that good people were innately good. That's what you are supposed to believe when you're young. Upon reaching maturity, I've noticed, some people choose goodness… Because they can and it's free! 

Don't get me wrong, some people would do things that please them in an instant, whether it's good or bad at the sight of others. Choosing whom you want to become, or becoming a character you wish to portray in life, is a choice. 

Some of us abhor an individual because it made them miserable at some point. But surprisingly, they ended up friends. There are also cases of people who started out as great buddies but ended up as the bitterest of foes. 

Ironic isn't it! It's odd and surprising that I don't have all the answers, but these are a product of choice. 

Controlling your day-to-day life narrative outcome is doable. You can plot its ending and find success doing it. Let's delve into the following examples:

• You can decide to be nice and civil with your colleague who sat across from you during a 3-hour inter-department meeting with the executives. The guy interrupts you with his incessant questioning that it made your presentation like a congressional hearing. (If you pull this through, you're a saint)
• You can pick to engage in a conversation with someone you just met at the bus stop, or you can just ignore them. It's not unethical not to talk to them and to choose to go on with your business. Politely asking them if they want to chat with you isn't bad either. 
• Deciding not to engage in a high-speed chase with some bonehead who cut you in the worst traffic jam you could imagine and engage in an impromptu road debate, which causes you to be late for a career-defining interview. 

To sum it up, deciding to be civil with your colleague will help you preserve your friendship with him or her. It's a possibility your colleague needs clarification. That's why he's nosy and asks a lot. 

Or he's just a plain jackass and constantly seeks attention. If this is the case, ask him why he's doing it, and inform him how it bothers you a lot when he does his antics. Maybe he's reaching out for help, and seeking someone's attention is his way of telling you to help him. 

Being friendly at bus stops isn't exactly a creepy thing. It helps you establish a rapport and create a healthy relationship with someone. Talking with people rather than spending countless hours with your phone is a healthier option. 

It even helps you develop your conversational and people skills. But take extra caution on opening certain topics like government, religion, and beliefs because you don't want to be taken out of context by people. 

Choosing calmness over aggression can help you think clearer and give you a better view of alternatives. Mind you, it ain't easy because.....

They deserve it, don't they?

Here's a thing with our instincts. A lot of times, it happens swiftly with very little thought of consequences. Here's an example of a thing that's done instinctively. 

An ant bit your toe and in your fits of anger squashed the poor insect with your finger, obliterating it and ending its existence because you decided to. 

Another ant bit your pinky toe, and the other one bit your other toes because you were stepping on their hill. You were an intruder on their peaceful existence. 

It's not like you're going to let it pass. All of them will pay dearly for biting your toes. But before you could think of your next move, an army of enraged ants retaliated with all their might and bit you with all of their strength. 

And in your fits of rage, you ended their existence by destroying their mound and pouring chemicals on them, and just like that, they're gone. Because you can!

They all deserve it, right?

If you were just careful not to set your foot on the ant hill, you would have never been bitten. The ant colony would have still existed. And you would have not wiped out an entire colony because you have exercised due care. 

One may argue, “Those were just ants!”

Yes, you're correct, but the idea is you choose to go ballistic and set a path of destruction when it was you who started the feud because you just simply can. 

Isn't it selfish? You can decide to let it go, but deciding to get rid of the ants because you can, even if it was your fault that everything happened, and they were not bothering you, shows your heart's intent. Cruelty!

Telling people how you get rid of a pesky ant hill because a colony of will make their lives a living hell, may earn you praises. You might even feel a false sense of altruism that feeds your ego and helps you justify your actions. 

But we know the real score, right?

Getting aggressive and intending someone's misfortune isn't exactly a good thing to begin with. Inflicting any form of damage, physical, mental, and emotional is never an answer or will never be commensurate to the things they did that made you upset. 

Life is too short to spend it on getting even and making things miserable for others.

Developing empathy towards others is such a noble act, heck, it's even a tough ordeal for ordinary humans. 

But if you want the vicious cycle of aggression, vengeance, and bitterness to stop, even if it's hard, you just have to do it. Because it's just the way it is.

The thing about being sorry 

To be sorry and mean it won't make you less of a person. Occasionally, individuals may offend you, however, there are also instances where one may offend others. It's not rocket science, but it has many intricacies and enigma. 

Saying you're sorry and mean it is a difficult thing. It's not because you can't do it, but to be sincere and do your best not to repeat the same offense makes it challenging. 

Normally, when we make someone feel bad because we are not careful with our dealings, we also feel uncomfortable. There is something inside us that alerts our consciousness of the upsetting thing we have committed. 

Even if you try ignoring it, you'll notice it won't stop and that something is leading you to rectify whatever offense you have done. It's a way of telling us, that we are not naturally wicked. 

Try ignoring it, you'll feel heavy and there is an overwhelming sensation of uneasiness that makes you extremely uncomfortable. But doing something about it would give you an opposite feeling. 

Rather than resisting it, when you have committed something upsetting to others, the least you can do is to say you're sorry and try to make things right. Remember, you are not bad, you just committed an error because you're not error-free.

Life's curveball is such a nasty way of telling us that we have a ton of things to improve for ourselves. The bump we met along the way helped us realize that there is so much to do and learn. 

Learn to live with your flaws and strive to make yourself better, one little step at a time. You can start by loving yourself, reaching out to your old acquaintances if they are just nearby, and they aren't busy, exchange meaningful conversations that would encourage positivity and rapport. 

Ciao!