Wednesday, June 05, 2024

Familiarity breeds contempt tread carefully.

In 1624, an Englishman John Donne (1572-1631) wrote this iconic line "No man is an island" and it became synonymous with unity, brotherhood, and friendship. The impact of such work became an iconic symbol of camaraderie because it speaks of being in harmony with others. 

And it is not surprising because most of us love to be surrounded by people who give meaning and joy to our lives. When I'm happy, I would love to share it with people within my circle because it's just how it is. 

A lazy Sunday afternoon is excellent for a cookout with friends and families. You can just imagine the laughter and the overwhelming array of food that would make everyone fill to the brim. 

It's nice to be with my friends and spend the entire afternoon over a smoky grill cooking a nicely glazed barbecue with some cold drinks.


Careful with how you open your mouth

While all of you are enjoying a nice meal listening to great music and just letting the day slide away, out of nowhere one of your friends shouts at someone within the crowd "Hey jackass, could you show us that trick you did last time!".

Then out of the blue, the other guy shouts back "Who you calling a jackass, you moron!". And all hell wreaks havoc on that quiet, peaceful, and supposed to be happy afternoon delight because of one uncalled-for name-calling. 

Isn't it awful? 


Everyone was shocked and could not believe how the events unfolded. "What the heck just happened?". A while ago there were rainbows and butterflies, the next minute, all hell went loose! 

It is something common between families and friends. But why? Because too much familiarity breeds contempt! 

Have you noticed, because we are very comfortable with each other's presence that sometimes we no longer exercise vigilance with how we speak to them.

And when they react and get offended, we shrug it off like it's no big deal and tell them straight into their faces "What's the matter with you, you're so overly sensitive!"

Are they sensitive? Or we're just plain careless? Causing pain to others is never a good thing. There is so much strife in the world today and to cause things that make someone upset only adds up to a relationship being torn apart. 

The golden rule

Way back when I was younger. There was a declamation piece that I needed to memorize. When I arrived at that point where it says: "Do unto others as what you want others to do unto you" I was quite intrigued as to why such phrases exist.

My grade school teacher reiterates every now and then when fights break up between us pupils because we're so rowdy and restless (the good old days) and someone goes to our teacher sobbing. 

Everyone, including me, stands for almost an hour and listens to lectures about not doing things that upset people. We glance at each other and try not to grin because it would be another hour of sermon. 

Then it would come to that point where we're asked to say sorry and all of us (the usual suspects) would comply because it means we can sit our butts down and often ask to be allowed to have bathroom breaks and that's where we laugh hard. 

Fast forward to now, I can't help but chuckle at those misdeeds way back but I now understand how irresponsible and reckless I was back then. 

I admit, that I regret that I am in some way a part of the pain that my fellow student felt because I don't have the awareness like what I have now. 

So how is the golden rule related to the title? 

You see because of too much familiarity with others we sometimes overlook boundaries. There are things we do, or words we say that we think are just okay but are hurtful to someone's feelings. 

A lot of times, our jokes are half-meant. We sometimes delve between the gray areas and wish everything will turn out okay. But sadly, it's not.

So I developed this technique for myself when I'm on the verge of doing something that might put someone else in an awkward position, I restrain myself, breathe in and out for 2-5 minutes, and forget about it.

There are things you can forgo and not damage anything. 

You can choose kindness over bravado. You can choose to care rather than stir trouble. You can make someone else load lighter rather than make the person feel bad because of insensitivity. 

There are just a ton of things you can do to make this world a better place. 


The 4-way test

While passing the street, I saw The Rotary Club's "The 4-way test". It says: 

  • Is it the TRUTH?
  • Is it FAIR to all concerned?
  • Will it build GOODWILL AND BETTER FRIENDSHIPS?
  • Will it be BENEFICIAL to all concerned?

I am not a member of the Rotarians but what they say makes sense. 


Praise underserved is slander in disguise. You can get away with flattery sometimes but people notice if what you're saying is true. That is why you need to be honest in your dealings with others. 

But what if the truth would destroy someone? If you are not ready to face the consequences of being truthful, as they say, "it's better to be silent and be thought a fool, rather than open one's mouth and erase all doubt."

As you see now, with just a swipe of a screen or click of a button you can spread either truth or lies in a flash. It's advisable to practice restraint rather than making drastic movements so you'll not find yourself in sticky situations.

Remember we're in different circumstances. We should refrain from making false assumptions against anyone because there are a lot of angles we do not see by glancing at a scenario once. 


Our senses can deceive us. How many times have you thought you were right but actually you're not? And if you have made an error how often do you apologize and promise not to do it again? Once, or you didn't bother to say sorry!

So before making bold moves in doing something that might hurt someone and damage a relationship, practice the 4-way test of the Rotary Club

I hope you find value in this article. So long! Ciao!

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