Motivation good: Habits better!

When I was young and wanted to do something, I looked for motivation. Things that would give me the extra kick to help me march forward. When things don't go your way, it's easy to stop, so I often resort to finding things that motivate me.

The easier part is finding something that gets you going. Sustaining it is the more challenging side. There are a lot of times we wake up flowing with limitless energy, only to lose all of it the next day.

Looking for a more sustainable approach to help us get through our “downtimes” is a more promising way of allowing us to be more productive, rather than finding what makes us “tick” and become a ball of energy that bounces around.

But how? 

How frequently do we experience downtimes? 

When things don't go as planned, it's easy to just drop it and get cold turkey towards it. Many of us don't want to find ourselves unaccomplished. But looking at it now, I realized why I was unproductive because I unconsciously chose to. 

Way back, there are things I wish I knew now. I was headstrong, stubborn, and downright risk-taker. It often leads me to uncomfortable situations that made life “more colorful” as I am looking at it now. 

“Damn if you do, and damn if you don't,” those were the days when I stormed towards my goal full of life and zest, only to retract when I couldn't overcome the hurdles. 

To help me get through, I find things that motivate me. I get supercharged for some time, and then things get rough. I stop at my charge, leave the tracks, and turn my back on a thing that I was so enthusiastic about earlier. 

Making matters worse, it slowly became my way of doing things that unconsciously integrated into my person. After some time, I came to realize that experiencing a spurt or even a series of downtimes is inevitable.

Yes, there is no pattern you can remember when you're about to experience downtime, but it happens because you have overworked and overextended yourself, and you end up exhausted and unmotivated. Leading to tantrums and occasional fits of anger that taint harmonious relationships. 

So how frequently do we experience downtime? All the time, always!

Why build habits?

During periods of downtime and meltdowns, motivation won't be enough. This is where habits get you going, even if it means striding in baby steps. Little consistent movements are way better than not moving at all.

The million-dollar question would be, what habits are you going to build? Is it something taken from a masterclass? Would it be easy to follow and execute? 

No need to think of highly technical habits. Any habits that would allow you to move forward at a constant pace, no matter how small the steps may be, would do. 

For example, you go to bed early, so you can wake up early as well. Will there be any benefit to that? 

Certainly, sleeping early would mean you would also wake up the following day early. Doing so would make you more productive because you'll have a ton of time ahead of you, allowing you to execute all your plans to a tee. 

And if you sleep early, you're doing your body a favor. Because you'll have all the time, you'll need to make sure your body and mind need for recovery. You'll repair all the “fried” cells in your brain when you doze to an 8-hour uninterrupted slumber. 

Another habit that will help you become more productive is breaking tasks into smaller chunks. It's easy to get overwhelmed by a gigantic workload that flashes right into your eyes. 

When you're at school or at the office, looking at all the A.S.A.P. would drain you of your energy. It saps the life out of you. And when you think that you'd finally relax at home, the opposite happens because you are arguing with someone over a ridiculous coffee cup that wasn't washed and left on the counter.

And if you look at it, you're not really furious about the unwashed coffee cup. You are unconsciously venting out all of your frustration because you're already very exhausted for the day. You saw an opportunity to let it go and in that instance you just found yourself enraged over a small matter. 

I'm guilty of it so many times that I frequently hear myself apologizing because I didn't plan to end it that way. Another habit you can develop is to be sorry for things you have done that hurt someone. 

Sorry seems to be the hardest word. I heard that line in a song, and it brought painful memories that haunted me always.  

Not being sorry when you have done something wrong is a sign of immaturity and insecurity. With our sudden emotional outbursts, there are just moments when we unintentionally hurt others because we're aggressive with our approach.

The immense amount of stress we have been carrying for who knows how long builds up and it ushers us unconsciously to react unfavorably towards others. Most often, when this happens, others see this as an invitation for an all-out "word war". 

The altercation causes division, and later angst towards you. The harmonious relationship you have built for so long has now shattered because you're not too careful with your dealings with others. 

Apologizing may not heal emotional wounds and scars instantly, but it's a great way to restart and rebuild any collateral damage that was done because you succumbed to excessive stress that resulted in a lot of unwanted and untoward incidents. 

To ensure that you are in control of everything and not spiral out of control, build positive habits and diligently practice it daily so it will become your way of life. Start with habits that would make you productive, like staying away from procrastination. 

Whatever it is you can finish in a day, do it right away with all of your might. You may no longer have the opportunity if you delay it often. 

So if you broke someone emotionally, even if it's difficult, mend it at the earliest time possible. You don't want years of unhappy memories and tension-filled co-existence because you delayed apologizing for causing any inconveniences for not managing your stress properly.

I'm sure you can find a ton of resources to help you with your journey. Remember to take small and doable steps so you'll not end up frustrated about not accomplishing things you have set for yourself. 

It's coffee time for me and I hope I can share this glorious moment of sipping this bitter-tasting beverage while we watch around and talk about things that make the world round. Ciao!

Article 4 - Taking the higher ground even with life's curve ball.

Do you wake up and have this thought linger? There's no way I'm going to be happy in this life.

• You were in high spirits last night. Wake up one morning and find yourself not wanting to do anything. 
• You're enjoying last night's feast of an enormous chunk of steak and feel guilty afterward because you suck at following your caloric intake.

Is this what is supposed to happen? 

One moment you're happy, and in a finger snap, melancholy sets in and waits for an opportunity to strike hard at you. Is life unfair? Is happiness a far-fetched fairy tale concept and happens only in literary pieces?

I often find myself at these crossroads. This is an awkward predicament. It's a tricky situation you don't want to be in. It's easy to lose your way when you choose not to restrain at anything and choose to be aggressive when things don't go your way. 

YOU = your own worst enemy. 

 

I was staring at the ceiling while I was incessantly typing and deleting lines to finish this article. I heard Creed performing their single, “What this life for”, and in an instant, I just said, “That's it!” 

That's just it, “the answer lies in you”.

Our own selves brought a strong feeling of uncertainty. Within us, we are pleading, trying to find answers to questions that have puzzled us for a long time. 

Why? The answer lies in you.

Do me a favor. Answer honestly all the items you'll read below. Imagine putting a check on all the items on our questionnaire. Here it goes!

_____ Are you trying to become what you're not for some time now? 

_____ Have you been hiding something that you're so terrified of sharing?

_____ Are you having something that left you so scarred that you hide it deep?

_____ Was there something bothering you that you're too afraid to address because you're not ready for the consequences it would bring to you and to the surrounding people?

_____ Are you so anxious about something that you deliberately ignore and pretend it doesn't exist, but it's actually an open secret (everyone knows about it, but nobody talks about it when you're around)?

We could fill up the space with a lot of questions, but I'm sure you already know where we are heading with this.    

The things that suddenly awaken you in the middle of the night, or stop you in your tracks when you're about to do something, are those things that you have “checked”

It begins with me and ends with me

I grew up believing that good people were innately good. That's what you are supposed to believe when you're young. Upon reaching maturity, I've noticed, some people choose goodness… Because they can and it's free! 

Don't get me wrong, some people would do things that please them in an instant, whether it's good or bad at the sight of others. Choosing whom you want to become, or becoming a character you wish to portray in life, is a choice. 

Some of us abhor an individual because it made them miserable at some point. But surprisingly, they ended up friends. There are also cases of people who started out as great buddies but ended up as the bitterest of foes. 

Ironic isn't it! It's odd and surprising that I don't have all the answers, but these are a product of choice. 

Controlling your day-to-day life narrative outcome is doable. You can plot its ending and find success doing it. Let's delve into the following examples:

• You can decide to be nice and civil with your colleague who sat across from you during a 3-hour inter-department meeting with the executives. The guy interrupts you with his incessant questioning that it made your presentation like a congressional hearing. (If you pull this through, you're a saint)
• You can pick to engage in a conversation with someone you just met at the bus stop, or you can just ignore them. It's not unethical not to talk to them and to choose to go on with your business. Politely asking them if they want to chat with you isn't bad either. 
• Deciding not to engage in a high-speed chase with some bonehead who cut you in the worst traffic jam you could imagine and engage in an impromptu road debate, which causes you to be late for a career-defining interview. 

To sum it up, deciding to be civil with your colleague will help you preserve your friendship with him or her. It's a possibility your colleague needs clarification. That's why he's nosy and asks a lot. 

Or he's just a plain jackass and constantly seeks attention. If this is the case, ask him why he's doing it, and inform him how it bothers you a lot when he does his antics. Maybe he's reaching out for help, and seeking someone's attention is his way of telling you to help him. 

Being friendly at bus stops isn't exactly a creepy thing. It helps you establish a rapport and create a healthy relationship with someone. Talking with people rather than spending countless hours with your phone is a healthier option. 

It even helps you develop your conversational and people skills. But take extra caution on opening certain topics like government, religion, and beliefs because you don't want to be taken out of context by people. 

Choosing calmness over aggression can help you think clearer and give you a better view of alternatives. Mind you, it ain't easy because.....

They deserve it, don't they?

Here's a thing with our instincts. A lot of times, it happens swiftly with very little thought of consequences. Here's an example of a thing that's done instinctively. 

An ant bit your toe and in your fits of anger squashed the poor insect with your finger, obliterating it and ending its existence because you decided to. 

Another ant bit your pinky toe, and the other one bit your other toes because you were stepping on their hill. You were an intruder on their peaceful existence. 

It's not like you're going to let it pass. All of them will pay dearly for biting your toes. But before you could think of your next move, an army of enraged ants retaliated with all their might and bit you with all of their strength. 

And in your fits of rage, you ended their existence by destroying their mound and pouring chemicals on them, and just like that, they're gone. Because you can!

They all deserve it, right?

If you were just careful not to set your foot on the ant hill, you would have never been bitten. The ant colony would have still existed. And you would have not wiped out an entire colony because you have exercised due care. 

One may argue, “Those were just ants!”

Yes, you're correct, but the idea is you choose to go ballistic and set a path of destruction when it was you who started the feud because you just simply can. 

Isn't it selfish? You can decide to let it go, but deciding to get rid of the ants because you can, even if it was your fault that everything happened, and they were not bothering you, shows your heart's intent. Cruelty!

Telling people how you get rid of a pesky ant hill because a colony of will make their lives a living hell, may earn you praises. You might even feel a false sense of altruism that feeds your ego and helps you justify your actions. 

But we know the real score, right?

Getting aggressive and intending someone's misfortune isn't exactly a good thing to begin with. Inflicting any form of damage, physical, mental, and emotional is never an answer or will never be commensurate to the things they did that made you upset. 

Life is too short to spend it on getting even and making things miserable for others.

Developing empathy towards others is such a noble act, heck, it's even a tough ordeal for ordinary humans. 

But if you want the vicious cycle of aggression, vengeance, and bitterness to stop, even if it's hard, you just have to do it. Because it's just the way it is.

The thing about being sorry 

To be sorry and mean it won't make you less of a person. Occasionally, individuals may offend you, however, there are also instances where one may offend others. It's not rocket science, but it has many intricacies and enigma. 

Saying you're sorry and mean it is a difficult thing. It's not because you can't do it, but to be sincere and do your best not to repeat the same offense makes it challenging. 

Normally, when we make someone feel bad because we are not careful with our dealings, we also feel uncomfortable. There is something inside us that alerts our consciousness of the upsetting thing we have committed. 

Even if you try ignoring it, you'll notice it won't stop and that something is leading you to rectify whatever offense you have done. It's a way of telling us, that we are not naturally wicked. 

Try ignoring it, you'll feel heavy and there is an overwhelming sensation of uneasiness that makes you extremely uncomfortable. But doing something about it would give you an opposite feeling. 

Rather than resisting it, when you have committed something upsetting to others, the least you can do is to say you're sorry and try to make things right. Remember, you are not bad, you just committed an error because you're not error-free.

Life's curveball is such a nasty way of telling us that we have a ton of things to improve for ourselves. The bump we met along the way helped us realize that there is so much to do and learn. 

Learn to live with your flaws and strive to make yourself better, one little step at a time. You can start by loving yourself, reaching out to your old acquaintances if they are just nearby, and they aren't busy, exchange meaningful conversations that would encourage positivity and rapport. 

Ciao! 

Article 3 - Finding your "WHY"

 Do with intent

“Desire what you want!”, sounds familiar? This is a powerful statement that conveys a firm message of not entertaining the idea of not reaching a goal an individual set to achieve.

Everything you see, even the most common objects that most people take for granted, all stem from a thought or an idea that sprung out of someone else’s mind.

It’s not surprising when an enigma becomes an ordinary thing because someone figured it out. And someone transformed it into an object that people can easily see or instantly grab.

However, what truly matters is that the person has a plan for their actions and possesses an unwavering determination to move forward, regardless of the challenging circumstances.

This admirable feat of desiring something to happen can be a great lesson for all of us. We can all learn from it and adapt the best practices to work in our favor.

If we want to improve ourselves, reading “self-help” articles can be a great start, but it needs a steady follow-up of continuous and tangible actions that become a habit, and turn into a routine, until it becomes our way of life.

The next question would be, how can we become intentional in our actions? Here are some helpful guides that can help you start and move forward toward self-improvement.

Desire it

Have you heard of someone yelling at the top of their lungs telling everyone “Don’t just want it, desire it!”. It’s a mantra of some personal development coaches when they are addressing their audience to take action.

Wanting something is a thing, but desiring it is a whole new level of mindset. Desire is such a powerful impulse. It creates a powerful wave of single-mindedness that allows an individual to go the extra mile when everything seems against their favor.

• Desire fuels someone to set their eyes on their goals.

• Desire allows a person to endure and sacrifice for something they believe in.

• Desire makes people want to achieve greater heights and believe that they can become something bigger than themselves.

If you need something to be done, I suggest not just wanting it, desire it.

Sticking to a routine

How can someone become great at doing something? It’s because they have been doing it repeatedly for some time. Developing a routine can be quite a hassle in its early stages.

Doing a set of activities that you don’t normally do can mentally exhaust you and give you a strong desire to quit and go back to things you are comfortable doing.

Being uncomfortable, and finding a way to make it work for you involves setting your mind to it and convincing yourself that it will work out well, which requires you to be in charge of things that you can control. For example:

• You can control how long you can stay awake at night, and you can choose what time you can go to bed, so you’ll not feel sluggish and feel zestful all throughout the following day.

• You can control how much sugary substance you can intake and instead consume more fruits and vegetables in your diet because you believe this will help you lose weight and gain confidence in yourself.

• You can control the hours you spend binge-watching, but you can decide to take a walk outside, feel the breeze, and interact with a real person rather than spending long hours of screen time.

There are a lot of things that are within your control. You can decide which of these things would make you a better person, should you decide you’ll make a routine out of it.

Stop overthinking

Done is better than perfect. If you’re stuck on thinking rather than taking action, it means you have a problem. It’s easy to dwindle on empty thoughts and find yourself at the planning stage for who knows how long.

To help you get started. Write it in your journal. Start with ten things you need to change ASAP. If ten is a struggle, you can reduce it to five actionable items that you can develop into a routine. Stick to it, no ifs and no buts.

For example, instead of throwing right away empty bottles, you can decide to recycle them and create D-I-Y projects that can help reduce the tons of waste that lead to the creation of much bigger concerns.

To help you save some money, rather than ordering your favorite fast food, why don’t you learn to cook? You can get bigger servings. It can be a great way to bond with your loved ones, and you won't have to spend a lot on gas because you'll be enjoying a homey ambiance with your family.

I’m sure you have a ton of ideas you can add that will help in improving your outlook on life.

Reflect and self-correct

Reflect on things. Assess what worked and what needs improvement. You may do this before you go to bed. You can list the things that went well and what requires tweaking.

Not only that, but you need to make it work and be sustainable in the long run. Find a working system that’s convenient for you to apply everything you have set to perform day in and day out. Repeat it, and you’ll notice you will become an expert at something.

Tell your friends that you're into something and that you're doing it well. Let them follow the steps you have undertaken because one way of knowing if your system works when others are also doing it the way you’re performing it.

 

Come from a place of help

Now that you have a system that works like a charm, offer it to people to multiply the lives that you have changed because you did something different and made it into a routine.

Allow your system to be used by people who struggle to find their “why's”. It’s easier for you to relate to them because, at one time, you were in their position.

You may start by thinking of ways on how you can do a good turn for others. 

For example, you open the door for someone. You can let others have the turn at the cashier if you’re getting only a few items, and you’re not in a hurry. You can share a quick tip on how to do something fast.

Kindness begets kindness. Love begets love.

I hope you find value in the things that I wrote. I wish one day we can enjoy a cup of coffee or two and chat on a lazy afternoon about what goes on with our lives.

If you find anything that caught your attention, I’ll be glad to hear it. Your opinion matters. Ciao!

Article 2 - Baby Steps

Done is better than perfect

(Strive your hardest to move forward, and keep going)

(Photo courtesy of: https://www.pexels.com/photo/cyclist-finishing-mountain-bike-race-17655908/)

Choosing is one key element in moving towards self-improvement. It is important to fill up all checkboxes and cover all bases. And for the moment of truth, making plans and targets into a reality!

And the big question would be: “Am I truly ready?”

That's where most people who are trying to leave their old selves suddenly find themselves in limbo. They begin to question whether the decisions they made are the right ones. It's extremely uncomfortable when treading on unknown waters, like moving toward the unknown. 

As the title suggests, done is better than perfect. And like most people, I also end up doing these things that eat a lot of my time and effort. These are:

• creating the best environment
• creating the ideal scenario and
• coming up with the most carefully planned set of actions

And, like most people, when things don't go my way. I get frustrated. Then, I resort to procrastination and I justify it by convincing myself that I deserve not to do anything. Have you also done this? 

I remember one lecture I attended, the speaker told us, “There is a pleasure in quitting”. That explains why when the going gets tough; when everything is like choking the life out of you; just to get out of all the stress, it's easier to just quit. Because when you quit, there's a dopamine rush that gives you that sensation of pleasure. 

And when you develop that habit of quitting when you're uncomfortable, it gives you that leeway to just quit rather than suffer any damage. It encourages you not to fight and persevere. Then, after some time, you'll end up asking, “What if?”

Then, I came across these words from Sheryl Sandberg, author of Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead: Done is better than perfect! And I was just speechless, took a breather. I reflected on those words and told myself, “Are you going to quit again? Seriously. Go get yourself going!”

And as I was watching something on a Facebook reel, I saw a video of a baby learning to walk. That's when I realized you don't need to become the best version of yourself in one instance. You can take small, baby steps toward your path to self-improvement. 

Here are some suggestions:

Build a habit

Most things we do are a product of some habits we develop over the years. It's not surprising that forgetting and leaving something you have done for quite some time takes effort and poses a challenge. Because it's a habit. 

According to the Growth Faculty article, Habits allow you to be consistent even when motivation decreases. They suggested creating routines that would keep you always on track, even if you don't feel like doing it.

So if you feel you don't want to do things, you have set your mind to do, remember, Nike's slogan: “Just Do It”

Sticking to it.

You're now resolved to stick to a routine because you have set yourself to building some habit-forming activities. Next is to find the will to stick to it. Most of the time, motivation wanes when you're faced with challenges. It's easy to be heartbroken and just revert to quitting, like what you used to do before. 

You need to find the fortitude to continue with your habits and stick with them until it becomes “as easy as breathing.” You'll find as you are acquiring a new set of positive habits that yourself is your biggest adversary. It's you who's resisting the positive change that's happening because change, at first, can be uncomfortable and irritating. But it's necessary.

Resist shiny object syndrome

Wikipedia defined shiny object syndrome as a situation where someone focuses on something trendy and forgets it when something new comes along. Forbes wrote an article that it's one of the biggest problems for entrepreneurs. 

Let us say you're working on a routine, and you have been resisting it since day one because it makes life miserable for you. After all, you're adapting a new mindset and a way of doing things. 

Then, you come across and new concept you've read on the internet that tells you that there is something better. After reading it, you thought about it and decided right away that it would be your latest course of action. 

You feel uncomfortable again, read another article, find a new alternative, and the cycle continues on and on and on. And you realized, you just kept on starting something and could not finish it. 

What I'm trying to say is, that rather than finding the “newest best way,” it would be better if you would stick to what you do until it becomes your way of doing things.

Because constantly searching for something new is a never-ending quest. You'll always end up discontented and heartbroken.

Always feel grateful even for small things

I read a post from the Dessert Sun; it says that we should be grateful even for the small things. I mentioned in my post that I went to training, and the speaker said that quitting feels good, but he also mentioned being thankful for the little things. 

He mentioned being thankful after a quick cold shower and was extremely relieved.  He stressed out how the scorching heat made him uncomfortable, so as soon as the water touched his body; it gave him the impression that it was the best thing that happened to him that day. 

I would also feel that way if it were me. You need to see that being thankful and being contented are two intertwined reactions. To feel grateful over the smallest of things would mean that you're contented and happy.

Practice saying thank you, and you're welcome can impact your life by leaps and bounds. You don't need to spend a fortune being kind to others. Acknowledging the little effort they make that makes life a little easier for you creates a whirlpool effect that multiplies happiness for you and for others. 

Try to see the goodness in people

The easiest route to be stressed out and grumpy is to find fault at a whim and magnify it. Lambasting people for their shortcomings temporarily creates a feeling of dominance and self-validation, but it destroys any chance of meaningful interaction. 

When people disagree with each other, it's so easy to just destroy them emotionally by inflicting damaging commentaries about their past mistakes and inabilities. But the thing is, without realizing it, it's your personal inadequacy you are subconsciously spewing out. 

It's like a silent plea telling others you need help, you want them to reach out to you, but you can't just say it straight for whatever reason you have. 

That is why, rather than being bitter toward others, learn to be more forgiving and tolerant of others' petty mistakes. 

In Conclusion

Making minor adjustments to your routine can be both difficult and rewarding. These changes can help you develop positive habits and become better at looking at life with a whole new perspective. 

When you have positivity flowing, people will also see it, and it affects everyone around you. You find it easy to implement solutions when your entire being isn't vindictive about getting back into something that made you feel bad. 

The feeling of becoming needy when you talk to people will slowly lessen. You no longer look for sympathy because that feeling of you against the world will slowly loosen its grip on your person. 

Creating an atmosphere where it's easier for others to interact with you because of your high level of empathy will be the new norm for you. People will notice that you are less argumentative, and would always come from a place of help. 

I would be happy to read comments from you and look forward to interacting with you. All the best to you, Ciao!

Article 1 - Choosing (Breaking Free)

 Breaking Free!

(Go get yourself together! Start the journey of becoming the new YOU)

Enough is enough! An old-age expression that is quite a cliché. Be it tonight's dinner, what series you'll decide to binge-watch, or which brand of electronic accessory you would love to have your hands on, at some point, you need to pick. 

We take time to decide the optimal option or consider the most reasonable alternative. This often leads people to overthink and stress themselves out, hindering their ability to complete urgent tasks. 

Sadly, a lot of us are guilty of this. Some people wait for the perfect time and moment to execute a more concise plan. And ended up not doing anything or accomplishing something significant. 

Enough is Enough

Yes, you heard it right! Enough with overthinking and time to put some action. I know firsthand how standing at a crossroads can be quite uncomfortable. Choosing something that would lead you to something significant in life is very nerve-wracking. 

But you can't just live underneath a rock and wish everything is going to be okay because it doesn't happen that way. Action makes things work, and our inability to take the right action hinders us from getting the results we're looking for. 

If you're asking when is the best time to take action? I guess it's now. The longer the waiting game, the less chance you'll see results. Stop being content that you have plans. Take action. Proceed with the steps. It doesn't matter if you fail in your early attempts. 

You'll only fail when you stop, but as long as you continue to move and proceed forward, you're only struggling, but you are not failing. When you call it quits, then it is the end of it and you lose. You're back to zero, and that makes changing sucks. 

We need to suck at some point

One article in the New York Post tells us that it's alright to suck at something. Well, they even picked an interesting title that it's great to suck at something.

Failing at something isn't exactly the feeling we're trying to have when we decide to take action. The idea of falling is disappointing, it even brings back negative feelings we try suppressing for a long time. 

And this makes us toxic not only to ourselves but also to others. Unconsciously, you succumbed to bitterness and hatred. You become hard to please, and you begin to feel glad for someone else's misfortunes. 

It's a typical scenario, but the thing is, you don't need to be a part of that kind of setting. You have the power to choose how you would like to end up. Our inability to take the right action at the right time can deeply impact how we want life to become. 

Decide now, when enough is enough! Remember, not to be afraid of falling, but be afraid of becoming the person you hated because you fail to take charge and do things you should be doing. 

Learning to be grateful at all times

When was the last time you thanked yourself for taking a nice and warm bath? Or had been extremely grateful to yourself for gulping a glass of cold water rather than a sugary, carbonated beverage? 

Pretty basic right? But have you done some of those things lately? Or you're too busy with whatever it is you're doing that you overlook things that would make things easier for you and others? 

Are you aware that drinking a glass of water is a struggle for some people? Or have you seen people experiencing excruciating pain just to do things that you do easily without a second thought, like peeing or taking a dump? 

If doing some things like walking with ease, taking restroom breaks without someone assisting you, or listening to others talking without using hearing devices attached to your ear. 

Give yourself a pat on the back and be extremely grateful. Because you don't have to struggle with those things. Plainly, you're just too darn lucky compared to others. 

After a cold bath on a hot day, I can't stop smiling because it just makes me super relieved and comfortable. Hearing a few splashes lets me appreciate the moment because I'm aware that on the other part of the globe, they are counting even the minute drops. Water is so scarce for them. 

So the next time, you turned on the shower knob, don't forget to say thank you and enjoy your bath. Others aren't as lucky as you. 

Forgive and move on!

Does this sound cliché: “I forgive, but I don't forget.” 
Indeed, it's difficult forgetting something that scarred and made you miserable but continuing to harbor it deep in your emotions won't make you feel better. 
It even makes you the person you dreaded becoming. 

Here's a drawback to that. Not forgetting something that offended you in the past may create an insignificant obstacle toward attaining tranquility with yourself. 

I remember in my earlier years, that's when I was offended, my instincts would tell me I had to get even right away, or else, I wouldn't sleep the night off. It was such a chaotic stage of my life. It was like an "eye for an eye"!

Then it came to a point, that I was hit unintentionally, but since I had this instinct, my reaction was to retaliate with full force and not think of any consequence.

Then something hit me hard that made me realize that I was such a jack @-$-$!

I was about to retaliate against a little kid!  In a fragile health condition, and I'm half her size. 

What was I thinking! It could have ended worse, and I'll be regretting something because I didn't use my head and think straight. 

Good thing, an ice cream passed by fast and got my attention. Yeah, that ice cream saved me from my vengeful self. (That explains my fondness for Rocky Road because that flavor saved me from doing something extremely stupid)

I was cooled off while feasting on a cone of Rocky Road. I had to buy it hastily because the ice cream was moving fast, it was a No Stopping Zone, and the ice cream man was hesitant to give me one, but I was persistent. 

When my sight gazed at my perpetrator, I was so ashamed because I saw she was held tight by a lady and taking deep breaths from a nebulizer due to asthma. If not for that darn ice cream, I could only think of the worst. 

Such stupidity on my part! Shame on me. 

Until now, I could still hear my conscience telling me that I was such a dork! If I had been very impulsive. That experience taught me a valuable lesson. Some fights are won even without battles. 

How to break free

After a long battle with yourself, you realize that you need to step up your game and make the odds in your favor. How should you do it? Is there any special magic spell you need to do to make things happen your way? 

Tip no. 1: Admit you're wrong

Acknowledging one's faults and rough edges is an integral part of change. Not admitting you're wrong is tantamount to not wanting to change. It's such an issue if an individual does not accept that they are erring.

Correction only comes after admission. No amount of lip service will make something wrong correct. Start by being truthful to yourself and acknowledge that you need to work hard on things you can control. 

What are these things you can control? 

1. You can choose not to be angry anymore. 
2. You can decide kindness against aggression.
3. You can decide to be happy rather than being grumpy and a sour puss all the time. 
4. You can select empathy rather than being vindictive.

Tip no. 2: Build rapport, rather than destroying it

You need to realize that when you're with people, expect the unexpected. There are times when people can be quite inconsistent. One moment they're amiable, the next minute, they are a fiery ablaze. 

There are a lot of things that trigger one behavior. Different people respond differently to stimuli. Refrain from being too vindictive and ready to start a war in an instant, it would be better to be empathic. 

Understanding what makes others respond to something can help you preserve a relationship. Mind you, keeping a lasting bond with someone takes years to nurture, and you can easily destroy it in seconds with quick impulsive actions. 

Tip no. 3: Just let it go

Did someone make a remark about your social media post? Did someone accidentally eat your sandwich by mistake? 

Are you being cut off in a line? 

It's so easy to just flare up and tell them that they are being unfair. I admit, to succumbing to these reactions when I feel I'm being mistreated. So what would I do, I take a few steps back, reflect for some time, and ask myself this question: "Is it really worth it?"

Does confronting someone head-on will make things better? Or it will just dive to the worst? 

Surely, winning an argument is such a great ego booster, but will it make you a better person? 

Nope! It will only make you appear argumentative, and people will avoid you because you're aggressive and would appear perfectionist, even if you're not. 

Next time, if it's just petty things, and won't hurt you bad. Let it go. 

In conclusion

Breaking free from old habits that prevent you from developing into a new individual is challenging. You could read a ton of materials, watch countless hours of video, or even listen to a never-ending series of podcasts, but if you don't admit to yourself that you need to improve, it will be pointless. 

You have to start somewhere, yes, you'll find out you need to improve on a lot of things. But that's alright. In your early attempts, you'll fail a lot, and you'll fail hard, but that's alright. 

You need to focus on things you can control and from there, start your baby steps toward self-improvement.  Avoid comparing yourself with others because it will only lead you to be bitter about your shortcomings. We have different timelines. 

Enjoy your journey toward improvement. I'm aware you'll find bumps along the way. It's okay to laugh at yourself when you're confused, it's alright to be sad and vulnerable because we all are. Be open to criticisms and choose to be emphatic. 

But most of all, try to adopt a mindset that tells you that you came from a place of help.