Making the best out of the worst

In a perfect world, most people love to have a happy ending. Many of us strive hard to find that pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. We spend a quarter of our lifetime getting into school, hoping to find our fortune and get the life we aspired for.

We were made to fit into that routine. Our mindset was focused on getting our college diploma because we believe it is our ticket to success. 

Then, with some sick twist of fate, everything doesn't seem to fall into place. And you're left wondering, “Where did I go wrong?”

Why things don't go our way

I admit, that I like to be in control of things. I thrive poorly in unplanned and uncontrolled environments and situations. Likewise, I feel extremely awkward when things suddenly “get out of hand”. 

I don't like the idea of “come what may” either.

Four decades of existence taught me that life gets interesting and colorful when you're not in control and surrounded by so many uncertainties. 

And you're forced to adapt because that's the way to go. Then you wonder, after many days and nights of planning, things didn't go as planned. Why is it so? 

We can think of many reasons why things didn't go as planned.  One reason is that we can't control certain situations. 

For example, you prepared for months camping in the woods, and then a storm came with a heavy downpour that ruined your campsite and everyone else's mood. 

Another situation would be you've booked a dinner with your partner at some fancy place. You've been making a great effort at everything to make it super special. 

Then at the last second when you're supposed to do the most climatic part of the evening, there's an abrupt change in the situation. The bomb squad suddenly appeared from nowhere, telling everyone to storm out of the place because of a bomb scare!

There was pushing everywhere, and everyone was trying to get out of the place as fast as they could. And the following day, the authorities confirmed it was just a prank call by some punk who was grounded because of some misdemeanor at school. 

And while watching the early morning news, you were fuming mad because of some insensitive prank that ruined the one moment you've been dying to do for some time. 

“I swear, I'll choke the crap out of that nut crack!” while calling your partner and telling her of last night's accounts. Because you're so distracted, you burn your tongue while sipping your coffee over the early morning news. 

And your entire day is ruined because of those things you don't have any control over.

Coping when things don't go your way

It's always heart-breaking when you exert effort in making things go your way and the opposite happens. I get overly frustrated, and it affects everything that I do. But as they say, the show must go on. 

Dr. Meghan Marcum has some practical advice on your course of action when things don't go your way.

• Understanding what triggers you that makes you upset. Dr. Marcum stressed the importance of accepting what makes you angry so you can deal with it with grace and poise. 
• Assessment of your reactions. It is easy to understand that getting upset or frustrated can get you out of sync fast. Dr. Marcum advised us to be flexible rather than stiff with our desired outcomes. But it's okay to be upset. 
• Focus on your solutions. Cope with changes by focusing on solutions. There's no way you can change what happens, but you can control your solutions to lessen the impact of the blow. I guess, that's just how life is. It's full of surprises. 
• Refrain from looking at perfection. I know that people expect nothing less than perfect. But, the thing is, it's seldom you end up with something perfect. Dr. Marcum encourages us to expect realistic outcomes. Remember, done is better than perfect.
• Get help. You don't have to fight it alone. The extra hands can help you get through. Don't push people away because, for all you know, they love to see you win and succeed. 
• Be ready to change the plan if needed. As cliché as it is, it's true, “there are many ways to skin a cat”. If one thing doesn't work out, do not focus on it, but instead, try to innovate or seek the alternatives, and you'll see that it's not that bad after all. 

I'm certain you have a lot of things to add, but I need to remind you that resorting to blaming or even indulging in substance abuse won't turn the bad into good. 

To sum everything up. Be flexible and get ready for any changes. Because in life, change is the only permanent thing. Ciao!

Weathering The Storm

Resilience is one key value you need to have to thrive and continue your life journey, despite the many hurdles you'll face as you continue to move forward with your daily grind. 

As you climb the success ladder, you'll notice that everything becomes difficult. Most people you'll hear about bracing yourself in facing the challenges would tell you, “It's not going to be easy!” 

It is what it is. The discomfort individuals experience when they venture beyond their comfort zones indicates that something greater is awaiting them on the other side. 

Remember the times you were learning to ride your bike? You were bruising yourself so many times, the feeling of finding yourself riding it without anyone holding you is priceless. 

And looking back, you could only smile and pat yourself, “It's all worth it”. Because it surely does!

Finding the courage to stay on track

When things get all messy, it's easy to get lost and meander. I stumbled across an article by Psych Central that you'll find helpful if you're overwhelmed with things in life.

Finding out your why can help you refocus and give clarity on things you need to restart your journey. Finding yourself wandering because so many things pile up on your plate can be confusing and scary.  

And just like that, you'll have a handful of things that need your attention. When stress catches up with you. Stress builds up from the many things you need to do. But you could not do so.

Have you wondered why people succumb to thoughts of quitting when things get tough? Because quitting in itself brings pleasure. When you feel your back is against the wall, tapping out is a convenient way to stop everything. 

Did you experience, after your firm decision to quit and let everything go, the thought of “what ifs” reverberates in your mind?

The pleasure you once felt is now overshadowed by regret. And you are now haunted by the thought that everything could have been different if you pushed harder and stayed on course.

Stop crying over spilled milk

It sucks, period. 

When you're on the verge of getting something right, and bail out cold, you know you messed up. So what would you do? According to Herald-Advocate, clean up your mess, pick yourself up, and move forward. 

Learn from it! Because no matter how hard you slip the punches, the stinging blows you didn't see can get to you and knock all the sense out of you. 

But the show has to go on. That's why you convince yourself to get up, weather the storm, and punch back at life's challenges even harder. Because that's the only way to move forward and get on with everything. Stop crying over spilled milk. 

Picking yourself up after a hard fall

We become stronger after each fall. The struggle you're in right now is part of your success story. In baseball, they have something they call the batting average. It means that every home run that the fans jeer so wildly is a product of several missed swings a batter performs. 

The lesson is, that you won't hit anything significant if you don't try hitting it.

And it's true with life. To find out if you could do it is to simply “just do it”. Just like the tagline of a popular footwear says.

You don't have to fear doing the uncomfortable. Most successful people in our time did not go with the flow. They trusted their grit and their unlimited supply of courage. 

Life can be like the weather. You may see sunshine and butterflies today. The next day, a category 5 storm is pounding you into submission. There's no way of stopping it, but you can brace yourself so you won't fall hard. 

And weathering the storm is all you need to do so you can fight back when things don't come your way. 

Hope you got something valuable from reading a piece of my mind. Got to sip some coffee. Ciao!

When it seems you don't see a speck of light at the end of tunnel

Every one of us, at some point, clings to something. It could be a physical object, like your favorite toy, a huggable old pillow, or a memory you strive to keep for a long time. 

It is something we hold dear, and losing it would leave us feeling empty and crushed. Being vulnerable lets us realize we don't have to fight our battles alone. 

A healthy support system is an excellent way of going through stages in our lives that are difficult and extremely challenging.

Everything is so against you. What's next?

When we face adversity, we usually seek a source of strength to help us bounce back. Sometimes, we end up finding what we never expected or hoped for. 

A classic example is experiencing an event in our lives that leads us to think it's the break we have prayed for, but only to realize it's what makes our ordeal more difficult than it was before. 

It makes us more frustrated with how things turn out. And not having a firm grasp on our personal resolve would shake our self-belief to its very core. The sad part, we find it hard to fathom why we struggle so much when we just want to make things better.

We overthink a lot of things, leading to impaired judgment on our part. We now struggle with things we typically do easily. Is it because we are getting dull and we're slipping a lot? Or is it because we over-complicate things, and not realizing that the simpler things work?

At some point, I have been a victim of this predicament. I wrote about this topic because of a past emotional, ominous experience. 

I strive hard every day not to return to that state. The feeling of not seeing any tint of light at the end of the tunnel was such a gloomy yesteryear, and things can get extremely messy at any rate if you can't bounce back from that emotional turmoil.

Why it seems there's no light at the end of the tunnel?

When all hope is gone, the will to fight and stand firm on your ground will go with it. It's not that there's no light, it is because we decide not to see it.

Imagine pricking your finger with a small thorn. Your first reaction is to get your hands off instantly and remove any object that's stinging the heck in your finger. 

But despite your best efforts to remove the source of your discomfort, that darn thorn remains buried deep in your skin, causing minor irritation. So you resort to just ignoring it until your finger gets used to the pain and tolerates the painful ordeal.

Your false sense of comfort deceives your ability to judge because it leads you to think that it's just a small thing, no biggie! Your continued pretension that everything is alright makes you think everything is under control. 

And that's where you are fatally mistaken!

The problem with ignoring things is that it makes you feel like it's going to go away and never come back. 

But just when you think everything seems fine, your concern resurfaces. And it now comes along with other issues that resulted from ignoring a pesky minor discomfort. 

Not only that, you start to be frustrated at yourself for not addressing it right away when you have the chance. 

Returning to our example, the thorn that was buried in your skin causing your discomfort got infected.

It stayed there for a while, and when it turned into a full-blown infection, from a minor discomfort, it turned so excruciating and painful that it now prevents you from doing things you normally do effortlessly. 

You now have a fever because it got red, swollen, and infected. And rather than addressing that little thorny concern of yours, you now have bigger issues to face, which is how to bring the fever down. 

If you just removed it when it stuck on your finger, you wouldn't have to bear the pain you're feeling now. 

So why there's no light at the end of the tunnel? Because you choose to ignore it by closing your eyes and pretending it's not there. If you just focus your sight on the brief flicker ahead, you could have reached that bright spot where the tunnel's exit is just a step away. 

The frustration you feel would add more fuel, and you entertain the idea of just quitting and succumbing to any negative thoughts and feelings that come your way. 

And worse, people who are witnessing your pain and want to extend their hands so you can grab onto them, you drive them away because you want to operate as a one-man army and fight alone undisturbed.

 The sad thing about getting frustrated

When you don't get the results you badly desire, your frustration creeps in. 

The greater the expectation, the greater the frustration if things don't come one's way. 

And sadly, it leads you to be overly upset, and it crushes your confidence. Your frustration lingers in your system longer, and this makes you insecure about everything. 

Not managing your frustration well results in you getting easily upset with almost anything. 

You also become highly irritable over little things. Your stress management ability becomes questionable, leading you to a downward spiral of emotional turmoil.

But it's not really an absolute bad when you get frustrated about failing to hit your goals. 

It's a telltale sign that you're a normal human being like everyone else. 

But you've got to be wary because if you don't see frustration's claws grasping you by the neck, you'll find yourself in some oddly dark place where crawling out could pose a serious challenge.

Stop believing that you're done

It takes a strong moral resolve to crawl out and leave the dark realms of frustration. When you feel that you've had enough, you lose the will to fight. Reaching out to someone and letting them know of your vulnerability can be quite helpful.

You need to accept and realize that life isn't a bed of roses. You'll fail, and you'll get a lot of heartaches. It's easy to be overwhelmed when you feel you swam with all your might, and you're not reaching the shore because you feel you're not budging an inch.

Anything you find at this stage becomes a shiny object because you're super desperate to hold on to something. A lot of times, people during this dark period will cling to something or someone that would help them feel good. 

And that's where people who stick with you through thick and thin level the field. For goodness' sake, stop driving them away. People who want you to succeed get upset when they see you diving head straight towards self-destruction.

That's what happens when you're lurking in the dark for some time. It's easy to misinterpret their concern with being nosy and stuff. Put it this way: you don't want to see someone dear to you do things that will sabotage their dreams and potential. 

Because that's what love is. The ability of a person to endure hearing nasty remarks from people they hold so close is a remarkable feat for anyone. If that ain't love, then I don't know what that is. 

You may think you're done, but the people who believe in you refuse to accept that and would fight tooth and nail just to make you see you're not seeing things clearly. And the least you can do is to be grateful and help yourself get back up and running.

I hope this helps shed light on you. It would be wonderful to read your thoughts about the things you've read on my blog. My coffee is getting cold. I have to take a sip before it becomes unbearable. So long! Ciao.